Lost
by Anchor-Rope
Summary: "But now, I can't even hear your name or look at you without feeling all the pain you put me in. And I hate you for that." birdflash. warning for language.


**an: not one of my best works, obviously. (as it was written nearly two years ago) but I hope you enjoy regardless**.

"Hey, love," Artemis called to Wally, grabbing the car keys from the kitchen island. "I'm going to drop Viv off at school, and I'm staying late at work. Can you make sure to pick her up at 3:00?"

"Yup, no prob." Wally smiled, kissing his wife.

"Bye, daddy!" Vivienne, who was five, said to Wally.

"Bye, sweetie." Wally smiled, leaning down to kiss his daughter on her forehead.

"See you soon." Artemis said, grabbing Vivienne's hand and led her out the door. "Love you."

"Love you too, babe." Wally chuckled, and the door shut behind the two he loved the most.

Ten minutes later, Wally sit on the couch watching one of his favorite movies he liked as a teenager: _Grease._

His phone started ringing and he looked at the contact:

 _Dick Grayson_

He choked on his own spit. He and Dick hadn't talked in years, five years to be exact. Why the hell was he calling him? They were barely even friends anymore, more like strangers.

"Hello?" Wally answered.

"Is this Wally?" Dick asked.

"Yeah, it's me." Wally said.

"Hey, it's Dick."

"I know the sound of your voice." Wally said.

"Look, I need your help." Dick sighed.

"What happened?" Wally asked.

"I just.. I need to talk to you again." Dick said.

"Oh really? You're now just saying that, after ignoring me for five years? Like hell." Wally rolled his eyes.

"No, _please._ I really need - _want_ to talk to you."

"Over the phone? Perfect."

"I'm at your door."

"You're wha-" the doorbell rang and Wally hung up the call. He walked over to the front entrance and opened the door, and it was indeed, Dick Grayson.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Wally asked.

"I told you, I want to talk to you." Dick said.

"How did you get my address?" Wally asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I had it memorized." Dick admitted.

"And you didn't visit me?"

"I was stalling."

"For five years!?" Wally exclaimed, then he saw Dick's face frown. "Get inside."

Dick stepped inside Wally's house and shut the door behind him. "You have a really nice house."

"Whatever." Wally folded his arms.

"What's your deal?" Dick asked.

"What's my deal?" Wally repeated, growing angry. "What the hell is yours? For five years you don't return my texts, call me back, visit me, or anything. It's like you completely cut me out of your life overnight! I don't understand! You were my best friend. Did you know how it felt wondering every fucking night wondering what the hell happened to you? I thought you fucking hated me! And I could never figure out why!" Wally's face was beet red, he grunted and then threw a glass across the room, shattering once it hit the wall. "Dammit!"

" _Wally_.." Dick said softly.

"Fuck off, Dick!" Wally screamed, tears streaming down his face.

"Look at me," Dick said kindly, wiping the tears away from Wally's face. "I know you're hurt. And I'm so sorry. But you're getting angry." he paused for a sigh. "You haven't been taking your pills lately haven't you?"

"No." Wally sighed. "I thought... I thought I didn't need them anymore."

"Wally, you can't just drop taking your medicine." Dick said. "It makes it worse than your actual illness."

"Yeah, I heard." Wally said. "But it's okay, I'll take them later... Promise."

For the first time, Dick actually smiled.

"...So, why did you stop talking to me?"

Dick's smile quickly turned into a frown.

"You wouldn't understand... It's stupid anyways." Dick looked at the ground.

"Dick, please." Wally said, his voice soft.

"I.. I had lost someone," Dick began. "Someone who wasn't even mine to begin with."

"Who?" Wally asked.

"I lost you, Wally." tears started forming in Dick's ocean blue eyes. "You had a crush on me, like ten years ago. I did too. I had a crush on you also. But I couldn't accept the fact that I was _gay_. I didn't want to be. I dated all those girls because I was so terribly afraid of being gay. But once you stopped liking me, I realized that I liked you more than ever. I was in love with you. But I knew I was too late. Because by that time, Artemis was your fiance and you were becoming a father. I knew I had no chance then. Wally, you are my best friend. You made me feel.. special, and then, you disappeared." Dick wiped his tears away with hem of his shirt. "You were in love with me, and I was too. But I was too scared to admit it."

"Why didn't you tell me before you stopped, _everything_?" Wally asked, he himself, on the verge of tears.

"I tried!" Dick cried. "I tried so fucking hard to save what we had. The special connection that was you and I. But, I didn't. I knew you didn't love me anymore. I could tell."

"What if I had been still in love with you, Dick?!" Wally asked.

"You weren't!" Dick yelled. "I knew... because I saw the way you looked at her, I knew, because you used to look at me the same way."

"Dick..."

"I'll _always_ want you more than anyone." Dick walked closer to Wally. You'll _always_ matter to more than anyone. _No one_ else compares to you, Wally."

"I.."

"I'm still in love with you, I know now." Dick admitted, grabbing Wally's hand.

"Thank you." Wally said.

"...For what?"

"For being my reason to look forward to the next day." Wally smiled. "I love you. A lot."

Dick smiled.

"But I also hate you."

And then, he frowned.

"I used to look at you and think, 'wow, I hope he never leaves my life'." Wally sighed. "But now, I can't even hear your name or look at you without feeling all the pain you put me in. And I _hate_ you for that."

Dick let go of Wally's hand, and backed away. "I'm sorry."

"And I'm sorry too." Wally bit his lip.

"Can I ask you a question?" Dick asked, halfway out the door.

"...Sure."

"Did I mean anything to you?"

"The _world_."

And with that, Dick left.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He died.

Dick died.

They were still figuring out how he died exactly.

But when the call came, Wally broke into tears.

Because the one he once loved, was dead.

It had been a few days after the funeral when Wally for a letter from 'anon'. He opened the letter and read it:

 _being with you_

 _was the only time i was ever happy_

 _i wish i could turn back the clock_

 _and take back every little mistake_

 _that made you not_

 _want me anymore._

 _i love you, wally west_

"I love you too." Wally chuckled, tears falling onto the paper.

 _always have_

 _always will_

 _d.g._

 _ **THE**_ _**END**_


End file.
